Beddy By Time

Scottsdale, Arizona -- A neighbor hears screams coming from a house. Authorities arrive to find a woman inside, trapped in her sleeper sofa. She says it just snapped shut on her and it took paramedics 4 hours to get this woman out of her own sleeper sofa.

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY:

"Oops." "Rats, I forgot my glasses again." "Oh no, not again." "Hey bring that back!! Bad dog. A human bone is no toy for a dog!" "Someone call the janitor, we have a BIG mess again."

"And now we place the ape's brain in the subject's body."

"That's cool! Can you make his leg twitch?

"Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. And this guy's got two of 'em."

"Could you stop that thing from thumping, it's throwing my concentration off."

"You forgot what he was in for? Oh well, let's surprise him."

"Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"

"Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingie."

A REAL HERO

The Millers were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Miller made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No expensive extras, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that fancy stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Mr. Miller turned to his wife ... "Show him your tooth, Honey."